So, I am petrified of an epidural. Also, I am not a fan of pain. Now, I think I can handle pain okay, but come on I can't prepare myself for birth. Right? Every part of me says don't be an idiot just get the epidural when you can and wait for baby girl to show up (I know there are a few more steps than that). Two days ago there was a video being promoted on Baby Center "Watch an Epidural". I sat there with the mouse hovering. Should I or shouldn't I. Part of what scares me is that I am someone that HAS TO watch when I have blood taken or a get a shot. The person telling me "Look away, okay now this is going to pinch" thinks I am nuts usually. But I have jumped or flinched when I try the look away method. That makes it hurt. I don't mind giving blood or getting a shot, ever, as long as I am looking. Well, an epidural is in your back. There is no looking at the giant needle they are using to thread a catheter into your spine. YOUR SPINE people. I am pretty sure you don't want to flinch or move for that process. I am jumpy.
Case and point I had someone come up to me and they poked me and the lower back I ended up hitting the person standing in front of me in the forehead with my palm.
I don't want to go sit in a bath tub. I hate baths. So a bath plus pain yeah that sounds like a real treat right there. Oh and I hate being wet. I don't want Paul to help me through Hypnobirthing. I don't want a c-section really. That's mostly because I don't want to add to any scar tissue that is already in there. I recovered from a "vertical c-section" already. AND I know there are big needles and all that for the process of c-section delivery. It isn't a general anesthesia process.
How can I be so ready to meet this little girl but be so convinced it is just best if she stayed in there?