34 Weeks...Seriously 6 weeks?

Six Weeks, In the beginning at 6 weeks along I thought time would never pass. Now with 6 weeks left I feel the same exact way. I was so tired and sore last night that I could not really sit and be comfortable and if I was sitting comfortably it was in a position that when I stood up it felt that every muscle and bone was frozen. I know that the extra sore came from the fact that I had to go into work yesterday. My desk chair is torture not to mention that baby girl seems to think that it is okay to sleep sprawled out. She can punch me in the hip and lodge her feet in my ribs at the same time. My guess is still that she is going to be a tall little girl and she'll be here at the end of October. So maybe instead of 6 weeks it is more like 4. Who knows? Certainly not me.

She is still pretty active and I can feel everything she does now. I am thankful that I am not woken up by her moving around. What wakes me up is how sore I get laying in one position and then needing to roll over. Last night I lined my side of the bed with a row of pillows and slept on top of them. While that really helped my hips, especially the right one, I could not roll over well. I'd get stuck more on my back and fall asleep and then I'd snore. Paul was good about waking me up to roll over the rest of the way. I don't mind it all that he did because sleeping on your back isn't good and if I sleep on my back for any length of time it makes me more stiff to roll over.

Okay, it seems like I am complaining a lot. I kind of am but there is still a smile on my face. I still think it is all totally worth it and I wouldn't trade this time. There are times like last night where I can't figure out how women do this 2-19 or more times. I mean that Duggar woman has been pregnant for like 171 months of her life, minus a few for babies who came early. I hope she doesn't get morning sickness because that is like 50-60 months of morning sickness. But, I also cling to the fact of it all being worth it when she is here. I have run more than one marathon even though during each one it has felt like cruel and unusual punishment I subjected myself to. Birth and marathons aren't the same but hopefully the mentality is.

I am pretty much done with the nursery. I have to hem a curtain. I have the sewing machine here and all the time to do it so that pretty much means that it will take me longer. Also, Paul is still working on the crib and trying to get it finished but we have the bassinet and now the "fancy" pack-n-play. I am not worried. I guess next we'll have to get the car seat in the car just in case. But I know that we can just throw that in the car if needed and hook it up before we go home. I have the bag all packed for her and I'll just have to get out my empty bag so I can throw my stuff in it when the time comes. There isn't really anything I don't need right now that I can pack. I'd like to feel a little more prepared in that way but I'm not worried.

I have had "false" contractions most nights. They seem to happen after 8 p.m. and it is only one maybe two about an hour apart. There have been 1 or 2 first thing in the morning.

My next appointment is next week. And these are my baby "splurge" I didn't want to ask anyone for the "expensive" baby blankets so I used part of a gift card to get these Aden+Anais blankets. Reviews said that some moms wear them as a scarf so they have them as burp cloths or feeding covers. I am totally on board with that, they are so soft I can't let baby girl get them all to herself! :)

What do I need still?

Two showers down and the nursery is as done as it can be. But there are still things on my registry that I think I am probably going to need, bottles, a feeding pillow, another waterproof mattress cover, at least one more crib sheet, newborn pacifiers, disposable changing pads, then of course anything I'll need for breast feeding.

My insurance covers my pump fully, I just have to deliver and call down to the supply boutique at the hospital and have one delivered to my room. It also appears according to my insurance it covers a lot of accessories and I won't be pumping for a little while hopefully. So I am really just trying not to go over board and buy a bunch of bottles or something. I have two bottles and if we end up needing them I can trust to ask Sarah to go to the store or Paul with a very detailed request list.

I am just trying to decide because I have a gift card that is burning a hole in my pocket. I want to get the most for the money and things that I need. I could definitely just go head and buy the really cute books that I think baby girl "needs" but that seems a little irresponsible.

Any suggestions on the must have for baby girl?

33 weeks and there went my sleep

I am a morning person for the most part. I always have been. I hate feeling like I have wasted a chunk of the day by sleeping. So since getting pregnant the latest I have let myself sleep in has been 9. Now, I wake up so frequently I think I could function by sleeping 24 hours. I could sleep, wake up and accomplishing something in the time I can't fall back asleep, go to sleep and repeat all day. Currently Stella is helping me to not attempt that because when the FedEx guy dropped off Paul's new jack for the truck I woke up from my little nap, and she stole my pillow and place on the couch. So I am getting my work stuff done. I have noticed though that if I get up with Paul and then eat breakfast and then nap for like an hour from 7:30 to 8:30 or maybe 9 I am pretty good for the duration of the day.

In other "news" I had been pretty happy that for the most part all the stretch marks I had pre-pregnancy were the only ones re-stretching back out. THEN baby girl was pretty quite for about 36 hours and had me a tiny bit worried. I could always pester her into moving so I knew things were okay. At the end of the 36 hours yesterday I was driving to the outlets to buy my dress for Katie's wedding and baby girl was definitely starting to really wake up. Low and behold I change into the first dress to try it on and BAM way more than the one new purple stretch mark from two days ago. Someone was on a growth spurt. She is back to moving around quite a bit now.

I have been fairly patient up until this point. That is a big deal for me I have just taken things week to week. But now that we are getting so close it is getting so hard. I see all this stuff saying that she is 4-5 lbs now and like 15-18 inches long. That seems huge. That seems good enough to come out. BUT I know that I would rather have her with me all day right now in my stomach than her spending the next 3-4 weeks in a NICU until I can bring her home. I am definitely not hoping she comes this early I am just hoping that the next few weeks pick up speed a little.

A little unusual for me

Anyone that is at all familiar with me will tell you that if I get hungry I become an angry frustrated person. Since I hit 30 weeks almost 3 weeks ago I have seemingly lost my appetite. As I mention before it has lead to a stand still on the scale. Well, in the last two days I have realized that I am hungry again and if I eat I actually want it. But my stomach is not telling me that it is empty. My mood is. I sat on the couch frustrated to no end because I just wanted to be able to do the things I needed done myself and not wait for Paul.

Paul had his wisdom teeth out on Thursday so he has been doing things around the house and then taking a break to lay down or ice his face or whatever he needs. He has still gotten a lot done. BUT was anything something I had hinted at needing done? Not really. And I felt bad that I was so frustrated with him. I was angry at myself. Angry at what I wanted done. At some point after a few tears Paul was wondering about lunch. So while I figured out lunch I had some chips and dip and I could feel my crazies going down. By time we finished lunch I was feeling like a normal human. A normal human whose ribs now felt like they'd explode because that squished up stomach is up in them now but I wasn't frustrated and angry.

I did the same today. Today is when it connected with me what my deal was. So I guess on the plus side my appetite is back. Looking back over the weekend I am happy that in my frustration I did not try to a.) carry the changing table upstairs by myself or b.) try to screw in anymore screws by myself.

I decided I could drill in the screw anchor and then screw in the curtains Saturday morning. The curtains are up but it was not pretty to watch. Stella hid behind the glider in the nursery. I need to have anchors drilled in and screws put in to hang two shelves I have that I want to put books and pictures on. It is best I leave that to Paul. He at least had marked where the screws went for the curtains.

32 Weeks: Baby Girl is right on track

The 32 week appointment was today! I love my doctor. I really hope she is the one on call when I go into labor. I talked to her about how scared of the epidural I am and she did not talk down to me that I was being silly she just talked me through it like if I were talking to a friend about it. She told me about having one herself and that what caught her off guard is when they put the numbing stuff in and how she said "Holy Shit" to that because it burns and hurts a little bit. It did put me more at ease.

She was happy with my blood work from the last appointment and was impressed that I didn't even need to be told to up my iron. Take that prenatal vitamin crazies haha. Speaking of prenatals, I started taking them every other day. I got a bunch of samples in a formula sample bag and I couldn't find my Flintstones the other night. Not a touch of making me sick. The doctor also said to make sure at the end of the day I spend some time with my feet above my heart to help the swelling go down. I am hopeful that now that the heat has broken the swelling won't come on so early in the day.

Then there was the best part of the appointment when the scale said I didn't gain any weight. I was a little concerned that she'd be concerned (yes I know same girl that cried last appointment for gaining weight. but I know it is supposed to happen) but she did not have a problem with it at all. I am now only about a 1/2 a centimeter ahead. After hearing baby girl's 140-150 beat heart beat the doctor palpitated my stomach and she is head down. Also my worry that she only has room on the right side of my stomach because of the organ shift from my tumor was for nothing the doctor could feel that she is taking up my whole stomach. Basically my whole stomach front is baby. That is why in my pictures a lot of times you can see her butt or knees sticking out the top of my stomach.

Finally, the doctor agreed we had heard way too much this summer about people giving birth anywhere but in the hospital. She broke down the usual progression of labor and told me how to approach calling them when I go into labor and the timing of driving in to the hospital. Doctor is A+ in making me feel better.

Most likely it will change...right?

So, I am petrified of an epidural. Also, I am not a fan of pain. Now, I think I can handle pain okay, but come on I can't prepare myself for birth. Right? Every part of me says don't be an idiot just get the epidural when you can and wait for baby girl to show up (I know there are a few more steps than that). Two days ago there was a video being promoted on Baby Center "Watch an Epidural". I sat there with the mouse hovering. Should I or shouldn't I. Part of what scares me is that I am someone that HAS TO watch when I have blood taken or a get a shot. The person telling me "Look away, okay now this is going to pinch" thinks I am nuts usually. But I have jumped or flinched when I try the look away method. That makes it hurt. I don't mind giving blood or getting a shot, ever, as long as I am looking. Well, an epidural is in your back. There is no looking at the giant needle they are using to thread a catheter into your spine. YOUR SPINE people. I am pretty sure you don't want to flinch or move for that process. I am jumpy.

Case and point I had someone come up to me and they poked me and the lower back I ended up hitting the person standing in front of me in the forehead with my palm.

I don't want to go sit in a bath tub. I hate baths. So a bath plus pain yeah that sounds like a real treat right there. Oh and I hate being wet. I don't want Paul to help me through Hypnobirthing. I don't want a c-section really. That's mostly because I don't want to add to any scar tissue that is already in there. I recovered from a "vertical c-section" already. AND I know there are big needles and all that for the process of c-section delivery. It isn't a general anesthesia process.

How can I be so ready to meet this little girl but be so convinced it is just best if she stayed in there?

Pregnancy Brain...it is real...very real at 31 weeks.

So there I am looking down at my uncovered stomach and I think to myself: "Holy crap that stretch mark is going to be horrible." I am touching it and figuring that it is never going to fade once it becomes a full fledged stretch mark. About 3 minutes later it dawns on me, that isn't the beginning of a stretch mark it is my tumor scar. My initial "fear" of pregnancy vanity was how horrible my scar was going to look on a stretched stomach. It is actually a bit less noticeable for at least half of it and the other half is maybe a centimeter stretched but not in your face noticeable. It itches pretty bad from time to time that's about it. The reality is that the tumor was still just as big if not a bit bigger than everything going on in there right now.

The cake Jennifer and Sarah had done at Bilo. (it was soooo good!)

Aunt Shari's decorated onesie

Today I am 31 weeks-ish, since on Sunday I will have two months until my due date. Sarah and Jennifer hosted our first baby shower this weekend and it was so fun. It was not huge but I loved getting to sit around with all the people that really matter.

Then while I was gone, Paul organized a painting party and there were 6 people in the house helping him finish all the upstairs painting, including the nursery. It was wonderful to come home to that. I washed all the new stuff we got this weekend and it is all hung up and put away. We have a big dresser in the closet for baby girl but it is no where near filled, not that it needs to be though. The dresser just may be over kill for the time being. I love having clothes hanging too. They are so tiny and cute! Since everyone came and helped finish the painting Paul is now going to be able to use free weekends to go work on building the crib! I can't wait to see how it turns out. He said I can't see pictures or get too many updates now that they are closing in on the assembly of it.

I am so thankful for everyone and the things they do for us. I am really bad at showing it at times because I hate that I am a cryer. I get overwhelmed with happy or surprise and I shut down so I don't cry. Sometimes maybe I should just let myself.