39 weeks...HOLY CRAP

Yeah, holy crap we are having a baby. We have had 39 weeks to get used to the idea, riiiiiight. It hits me every now and then but it really just hit me just now that we are in that window of "many babies are born in this week". I have been wishing for her to come for about a week now. I obviously still want her to show up any second now but something seems real about it. I attempted to bribe her at Target today while in the baby clothes section. She kicked around a couple times but there were no contractions and no water breaking. I totally would have welcomed water breaking in public too. Embarrassing, yes, but welcome, yes. So she didn't get anything at Target.

I am over being home, going out for longer than 15 minutes kills me, it is frustrating right now. I know that I am not the first to feel that way and that helps a bit. Target has a lot of pajamas on sale but I managed to leave with out buying any. I bought a pair of slippers a couple weeks ago but yesterday I put my bags in the car so now they along with my other comfy clothes are packed in the car. I am wearing the same couple of things every day, but when I don't really go anywhere I only really feel sorry for Paul.

I am not going to do any of the insane self induction techniques but I keep trying to trick/jinx my body into it. It is stupid that all these self induction things are basically designed to make your intestines feel like you spent the night in Mexico drinking the water. Why would I want to suffer like that before going through labor. So, mostly I am making sure that I am walking quite a bit. I have heard that stairs help too so I'll start throwing in an extra set here or there in addition of just being in the house. The doctor said that if there is no progress as of my appointment on Tuesday that's when we'll discuss what happens at 41 weeks because my office doesn't let you go past 41 weeks. Unfortunately 2 weeks from this Friday seems like eternity.

Yes, 39 weeks flew by, and I am beyond impressed with the fact that I never had the impatience problem until now. I went appointment to appointment and pretty soon I found myself in the "full term" stage. I guess it is much easier to be patient when the alternative is problems with a premie baby. Now, it seems logical that she should just show her pretty little face. Also, I'd like to set up that "out of office" email reply for my work email.

She will be here when she is ready. I know that.

38 Weeks and she's still hanging in there

Yeah, it is still early, but I would not be one to complain if she were all healthy and ready to come out now. I am hoping that my gut is right and her birthday is the 26th. Who knows!? I am beyond uncomfortable at this point. The sciatic nerve on my right side gets insanely bad. It has been clear since the anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks that she would be hanging out on my right side predominantly because there is way more room over there because of the tumor. So all her weight is right back there on that side. My left side feels peachy, feels like I could run, then I try to lift my right leg and it is a whole different story.

The lovely bruise

All that said I am so thankful that I have had a very uneventful pregnancy. There hasn't been one test that has come back close to needing rechecked or worried about. The most "eventful" thing is that on Monday the doctor sent me to the hospital for monitoring because our little girl is a spaz and her heart rate was a bit higher than where they like to see it and I was quite swelled with rib pain. Turns out like I said she is a spaz and her heart rate was fine and consistent. The blood work came back fine and so my liver is fine and the swelling is just swelling. The blood work was the most "traumatic". I know my veins, I know what gives blood and doesn't . I know that the one that runs down the side of my left arm just outside my elbow is the one that a blind person could draw blood from. I probably would have preferred a blind person. The woman tied on the tourniquet tighter than anyone ever has EVER. I was pretty sure she had stopped circulation all together. So she stabs me and snaps the blood tube in there and it is slow she tells me to squeeze a fist. A fist full of fingers I can barely feel because of the band and fingers that are swollen and achey to begin with. Finally she fills the two tubes. I had been on an automatic blood pressure cuff that she did not unvelcro she just slipped it back up my arm pushed the button and left. Mind you this is on the arm that she just dug in, as the cuff tightened I began wondering if that vein blew if I'd bleed out. The cuff wasn't even up my arm where it should be, it was almost over my elbow so very close the blood draw site. The best part was watching Sarah who had been driving me that day. Sarah finally got up and was like I am fixing this stupid thing and she unvelcroed it and put it on right and surprise my blood pressure was fine the next time it went off. The bruise that followed was nasty.

Stella eyes me

Patti joins her

My boss keeps emailing me and adding a p.s. that he keeps hoping to see my out of office note up saying that I am on maternity leave. No such luck yet :) I will just sit here with Stella and Patti watching my every move and feeling baby girl squiggling (not a word but is the best description) around.

37 weeks....Mommy shaming

There are, what, 18 years and 3 weeks at most ahead of me to deal with this. Then baby girl will go out into the world and demonstrate the type of person I hopefully helped her become and failings will still come back to me. I'd hope any mom knows this is what they are in for when they get pregnant. I did, but it doesn't make it any easier knowing what to expect. When that day comes in 18 years when Paul and I move her into college, clown school or her apartment next to the McDonalds she works at, is her path in life going to be what it is because I drank some coffee while pregnant, or because of the path my breastfeeding takes, or because we had her vaccinated? Is it going to be because of the age she learns her ABC's or how to count to 100? Maybe I should let her sleep in our bed. Maybe she should stay in her crib and cry all night to make her tough.

These are all choices I have had to make or will be making in the coming days and weeks. And everyone else seems to know better than me. What it seems is that they know what worked for them. This little girl pushing and stretching my stomach right now is her own person. She has her own personality and own needs. What works for her may not be what worked for my mom with me or for my mother in law for my husband. The wheel has been invented, perfect parenting has not. I fear the day someone says it has.

OH wait people are saying that.

I understand breastfeeding and look forward to doing it. Paul asked me last night how long I will breastfeed. I told him I honestly don't know. I don't have a time table or expectations. I am going to try my hardest to do it. First, it is free other than the food I feed myself. And it makes sense that she has spent 9 months growing in me so a food source that comes from me is going to be one of the best things for her. If, and honestly, when the day comes that something doesn't seem to be working right I will ask the questions. Chances are that time is going to be in the hospital after she is born. But I am never going to put the question out there for debate asking "should I be breastfeeding?" "should I stop breastfeeding?" that is up to her and I. And I hope that the people in my life will respect that. I pray I have surrounded myself by the right, supportive people.

Stella enjoys cuddle time with baby girl

I have no preconceived notions about being the perfect parent or expecting that Paul will be. We are not going to knowingly put our daughter in danger. If something seems iffy, just as if we were dealing with ourselves or dogs, we will research it. By research I mean factual accounts. We have seen so much over the last few years and more now with all the in your face "since you are pregnant you should know" conversations, emails and random internet pop-ups about vaccination.

That is our choice and our doctor's advice to give. I feel lucky to know a medical professional in my sister and a friend who is in the field of biotechnology. I trust them. When I was going to get the HPV vaccine I spoke to my doctor and I spoke to her about the vaccine. We had a room mate who refused to get it because there was no way to know what the vaccine would do. As my friend said they didn't just mix it up in a lab and send it out the next day. Research, studies, lab tests and other tests are done before it is injected into my arm.

All this is to say that as friends, siblings, parents, acquaintances and strangers need to be focused on our families and what is best for us. If it is working for you then people will come to you with their questions. Don't seek them out with your answers first.

Now, with that off my chest I will be going back to trying to stay comfortable and busy to pass the time until we finally get to meet this little girl. Braxton Hicks are officially here. The doctor said that things are getting ready but there is no progress toward delivery.

36 Weeks...Kind of sort of any time now

And that would be alright with me. I want her to be as healthy as possible and ready to be born. At this point I feel like she is going to be about 2 feet long because I know she has dropped lower but my ribs are killing me still. It is nice to not be quite so out of breath.

Today is finally back to feeling like fall. If we had had another day of upper 80s my feet may have exploded. And my fingers really started to noticeably swell. My feet swelling will go down at night but then during the same time my fingers swell.

She did that whole get real quite for two days over the last two days and now today she is back to her normal fidgety self. And when that happens my discomfort always gets a little worse. It is like she has some sort of growth spurt during those two days.

While being impatient to get to meet her Oct. 26 is still sticking out as her birthday. So I guess 17 days isn't so bad and it gives Paul more time on the crib. I have made it 36 weeks but some how 17 days seems like forever. And don't get me started on the possibility of going over which I am not stupid and know it is a real possibility. Fingers crossed it doesn't though. Her car seat is in the car from this past weekend because I promised we'd travel over prepared. Her hospital bag is all done too. I was going to try to do my hospital bag today for something to do and then Stella chewed one of my flip flops in my last pair. So now I have to dig around and see if I have another lone flip flop in the back of a closet. I don't need to buy new because come on they are for the hospital. I figure I will get everything together in my bag then if I need to wear something or use something I will and then put it right back in. I don't really get how someone can pack a bag and not need anything out of it until the birth-day.