It is strange. I may be sleep deprived, I may have no idea what my daughter wants every now and then and it may make me slightly crazy that she won't take a bottle. But those times are the exception, not the rule. I like the challenge. I like feeling a little out of control. I try so hard at times to have everything in my life planned out and knowing what is coming. It is a great wrench in my life. I welcome it. When I mention that these things and others are going on it is a hey this is what's happening today/this week/this month. It is not to say oh my gosh I can't handle myself. If I need help I will ask for it.
Some days I look at this little girl and wonder what the heck am I going to do with you today? But I think I have made a realization that should carry. Some days she just needs to sit and talk to me. Right now that is most all she does. And even though she makes no sense it is fun and a great way to pass the day. Some days it just seems like the only thing I do is feed her. Do I wish that at night she went to bed before 10 so Paul and i could have a bit of extra time absolutely but this won't be our whole life forever.
So right now I don't need much. Maybe what I need most is for stella to have more relaxed days than spastic days.